The Ultimate Sweetener.

"The Ultimate Sweetener" more like The Ultimate Cleanser. The last time I felt like this was when I was tempted by those potato chips made with Olestra. Yeesh.

The can says, "Using excessively may cause a laxative effect." No shit. Well...

We made some lemonade with lemons, a pitcher of water, and 3/4 of a cup of The Ultimate Sweetener. It wasn't even that sweet. This stuff cannot be good for me if it makes my body do this. It's been over 6 hours now and my stomach is still gurgling. Sonofabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

New 'Do.

Got myself a new haircut. Did a Google search for "short hair on fat women" and found the fat girls + short hair = YES! tumblr. I fell in love with this hair cut --> and went for it!! This, of course, is not me... just some adorable wee kid with an schweet hair cut and style.

When I was doing my search, I ran across some blogs that suggested that chubby chicks not get short cuts or trendy cuts for that matter. LOLWAT?! The style of your hair should have nothing to do with your weight, it's all about your inner rock-star self. We have a short time on this big rock hurling through space. LIVE!

Time to Unburry.

I will admit that for the last two years since I've been diagnosed with Lupus, I've buried my head in the sand about learning about it. It's fucking scary, Lupus, so it's totally understandable why I'd do that. I've been dealing with the very real chance of dying since 2004... holy crap... I just realized that it's been almost 10 years since my stroke (yep, I had a stroke). Ug, I'm all over the place. There's SO much that I want to get out of my head and into this blog.

BACK TO THE POINT

I ordered a book from Amazon this evening about eating to reduce inflammation. I think a lot of what I've been eating is bad for me. Of course it is, before Fat Camp I was eating fast food almost 3 times a day. I was so tired that I couldn't make food at the house. Unless you've got an autoimmune disease (or currently have the flu), you can say you know how that feels, but you really don't.

Fingers hurt. Can't type.

My New Roomie.

I have a girlfriend, let's call her Elle, who has been my partner in joining Weight Watchers at least a dozen times over the years. She's never been able to drop much weight, but she still keeps trying. About a month ago, we got a crazy idea in our heads that maybe it was time for drastic measures. I mean, here I am thinking about slicing open my body to remove a huge chunk of one of my organs, so I was willing to try anything.

She had just lost her job and was depressed about her future. The Mr and I had just bought a new (to us) car and could use some help to pay for it, so Elle and I decided to create Fat Camp. She moved into our spare bedroom (well, it was The Mr's man-cave) and since then we've re-joined Weight Watchers, started eating healthier, and have been making major changes to our overall health (spiritual, physical, emotional).

Yes, there have been a few bumps in the road, but overall it's been awesome. We've been able to talk about all of our eating issues (pft, more like subscriptions) and have been great sources of motivation for one another (from positive to wanting to beat the other's healthier way of living for bragging rights).

Edit: Dude. I just realized that I've already written about this. Perfect example of Lupus in action.

Part of Fat Camp is to write in our journals daily. Heh. You can see how I've been doing with that. Don't you judge me.

Fat Camp.

My throat hurts. I think it's from the window being open. That ain't right, man.

In other news, my friend and I have engaged in a project. Project Fat Camp. She's moved in for at least the next month and our job is to get healthy. Yah, we've still got to do other things (like pay the bills, feed the dog, life in general), but our JOB is to get healthy.

We've joined Weight Watchers (again), done the big shop, and will soon be planning more activity. This morning we were supposed to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go for a short walk. So far I'm the only one up. :/

I'm so frick'n tired right now. And throat-hurty. There's so much that I want to write about, but right now it all just seems so overwhelming. I know what I did last time was really successful, so I feel like I'm trying to do it all at once. Blogging is such a great outlet, but it all wants to come out at the same time, so my head is a jumbled mess.

Got to wake up the house. Fuckers. It's not fair that I'm up this goddamn early and they're dreaming of sugar plums. SUGAR PLUMS ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS!

Quarter Ton.

Holy crap: 251.5 lbs. WHAT?! A quarter of a ton. I'm only 5'3" (and 3/4ths). It ain't right.

Ug, I'm cramping. Have a hematology appointment in an hour. Should leave now in case of traffic. We're supposed to be taking me off of Coumadin and putting me on another blood thinner. I really want to go back on Xenical. That helped before, I think it can help again.

*Edit, 8 months later: evidently I have no idea how many pounds are in a ton (or tonne for that matter) because although it is a lot for my height, 250 lbs is not a quarter of a ton. Pardon my ignorance, but I'm not going to change it because the drama of it is spectacular!

Little cuts.

I want to hide it all. The evidence.

Seeing the fast food cups strewn around my house is like seeing the bullet casings of a drive-by shooting. Death by drive-through.

Vitamix.

Dude. Dude.

So Hubby and I have been wanting a Vitamix since the beginning of time, but have been to cheap to get one. Last Friday we bit the bullet, tracked down where it was being demoed in LA, and bought one.

She. Is. Beautiful.

I'm not sure what I want to name her yet.

Do yourself a favor and find where one is being demonstrated TODAY.

The Thinning.

I can already feel the weight coming off. I've been sticking to a plant-based diet and limiting my carb intake.

I wonder how many people start various surgery programs out there, start losing weight naturally, and decide NOT to continue with the surgery. The thought of cutting off a major part of my stomach freaks me out. There's so much about the human body that we don't know about: I'm scared that it'll affect me (in a bad way) down the road.

Vitamin D.

Holy crap.

I've been seeing doctors for years and years and years and years and the only vitamin/mineral that they've recommended has been Iron (for the anemia). Cedars Sinai, where I'm having the sleeve surgery done, did a full panel and recognized that I was deficient in Vitamin D and A. I was prescribed Vitamin D and wow.

I took it yesterday, but already this morning I'm feeling great. That's just crazy. And today is a rainy day, which historically sucks because of the Lupus (triggers pain in joints).

I've felt so shitty for so long that it's strange to feel normal. I feel like I'm on crack or something.

It kinda pisses me off too because doctors have been readily willing to prescribe all types of pills, but have never really offered this approach - figuring out what my body needs. Ug.

Lucy Liu.

The program I'm going through for the sleeve is awesome, but right now I'm not love'n the Dietitian. Okay no, that's a lie. She's frick'n awesome, but she's got balls of steel and is pretty much unbendable when it comes to what I should be eating. She reminds me of Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels, except a million times meaner.

So, part of the pre-surgery protocol is that you start eating the way you will be post-surgery (albeit in larger portions). What sucks big time is that right now I'm limiting my carbs (you can't have bread, tortillas, pasta for 6 months after your surgery). I'm so fucking tired right now. I feel like I'm going through ketosis fatigue.

The ketosis symptoms associated with the benign dietary ketosis caused by eating a low carb, ketogenic diet are not dangerous. They may differ for each individual, with the most common symptoms being:

• Ketosis breath, which has a fruity odor, and the person in deep ketosis may feel a sort of slight burning in the nose and a slight smell of ammonia. I haven't noticed this yet, but fruity and ammonia really aren't synonymous to me.
• Dry mouth, which is alleviated by drinking more water. Totes.
• A slight headache at first which goes away in a few days. Yeppers.
• In the first week of beginning a ketogenic diet, most people experience frequent urination followed by fatigue, as the kidneys release extraneous water stores. Minerals such as sodium, magnesium and potassium are also lost with excreted urine, and it is the mineral loss that causes the fatigue. This can be offset by eating more salt, drinking more fluids, and increasing the intake of magnesium and potassium containing foods. (Dairy foods and avocados are high in potassium, and you can drink broth for more sodium.)
• Ketone bodies become detectable in the urine. Ketone bodies are leftover fragment molecules created by the natural process of burning body fat for fuel. Diabetics and low carb dieters use a product called Ketostix to check for the presence of ketones in the urine, although each group does this for different reasons. If ketones are present, the stick turns purple.
• After several days of ketosis, there may be a sense of euphoria, or an experience of high energy. Lies. Well, it hasn't been several days yet. No euphoria. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. Ahhhh... sleep.
• Very clear thinking, and a lack of "brain fog".  Dude, seriously? You're on crack. My brain is angry, hurty, and hates Lucy Liu.

- Ketogenic Diet Resource

I mean, sure, I probably eat more carbs than a small family of Italians, but this all just seems soooo unfaaaaaiiiir. *tossing self to floor* I keep passing restaurants and saying, "Welp, I guess I'll never eat there again." Then I catch myself weighing my decision. Krispy Kreme or living a longer life. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not an easy choice.

Food has become my long-time lover. It's been there for me in times of sorrow, happiness, laughter. It's a part of my family. Fuck. This is going to be hard.

The Beginning.

In the beginning there was this chick. She was brown, right? And, uh... she had some girth to her.

Today is the start of something beautiful. Or something that I will try for about a week and toss aside like so many creative projects that I begin. But, it's like whatevs, yo. Whatevs.

Welcome.