Living With Lupus.

Living with Lupus sucks balls. On top of all of the pain and overall crappy feeling, you have to deal with the social aspect as well. It's an "invisible disease" which means that there's no obvious outward sign that you're sick. The average person just doesn't know how to process the information; especially without a wheelchair, cane, cast, eye patch, sling, mechanical leg, whatever, to draw reference from.

I get it. For the longest time I bought into the "lazy" theory or the "if I just ate better and worked out" b.s. that everybody parrots to you when you mention the word "tired." Right before I turned 30 I remember telling my boss that I was feeling run down recently. His response was that I should hit the gym, implying that my overweight was the cause of my fatigue. I agreed with him until a few weeks later when I had a stroke.

We were able to joke about his advice later, but it dawned on me then that people don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Yes, I choose to believe that, in general, people are coming from a good place, but for the most part they really are just spouting shit they heard from magazines and TV shows.

Sorry if I'm all over the place. I don't feel well and when that happens, my mind doesn't work so well. Right now I'm feeling sad and angry. It's frustrating to have to deal with this shit. Pain. You know when you have the flu and your body is inflamed and you feel like sore all over? It's sorta like that. My hands feel like they're on fire and someone has run them over with a steam roller. I'm fucking tired. Like I haven't slept in weeks.

It's so fucking frustrating. I want to believe that I can control this disease, in tiny ways I can, but really it's got me by the ovaries (well, one ovary now). My life is being held captive by Lupus (I hate that bitch).

From San Diego Lymer

Time to Unburry.

I will admit that for the last two years since I've been diagnosed with Lupus, I've buried my head in the sand about learning about it. It's fucking scary, Lupus, so it's totally understandable why I'd do that. I've been dealing with the very real chance of dying since 2004... holy crap... I just realized that it's been almost 10 years since my stroke (yep, I had a stroke). Ug, I'm all over the place. There's SO much that I want to get out of my head and into this blog.

BACK TO THE POINT

I ordered a book from Amazon this evening about eating to reduce inflammation. I think a lot of what I've been eating is bad for me. Of course it is, before Fat Camp I was eating fast food almost 3 times a day. I was so tired that I couldn't make food at the house. Unless you've got an autoimmune disease (or currently have the flu), you can say you know how that feels, but you really don't.

Fingers hurt. Can't type.