Pre-Op Liquid Diet: Day 5

Pretend these are grapefruits.

Sweet holy hormones, peoples. My gahd, today was shiiiiitty. I wanted to knife everyone around me and almost started crying in the grocery store when the grapefruits spilled out of the produce bag. I felt like I was a bumbling character in a silent movie: grapefruits everywhere.

My body is trying to make sense of what I'm putting it through. Going from ~3000 calories a day down to >1200 is a big change. Today was also the first day that I saw a sign for a food item where I had a physical I-WANT-IT-NOW reaction. It was a sign for 2 doughnuts for $1 at 7/11. Fuck'n 7/11. IHATETHEMSOBADRIGHTNOW!!!!

In other news, I've found a FANTASTIC end of the day snack. Put a Cookies & Creme OhYeah! smoothie and a frozen banana in a blender. Ooooohmygah. So good.

I also tried a protein shake suggested by Shelly at TheWorldAccordingToEggFace since I wanted to branch out a bit. It is as follows:

Butterscotch Shake
8 oz. water or 4 oz. soy milk/4 oz. water
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder
1 T. SF Jello Butterscotch Pudding Powder
2 Ice Cubes 

Place water in the blender first, then powder, then additions. Blend on low then high till well blended.

The problem is that I tried it with the vanilla egg protein powder. Lemme tell ya a little some'n about blending egg protein. It foams. A lot. *whispering* So much foam.

P.S. Did you know that the plural of grapefruit can either be grapefruit or grapefruits? Isn't that interesting? When I was proofing this entry, the word "grapefruits" seemed really weird to me. It reminded me of my girlfriend from Taiwan who pronounces the plural of foot as feets. I've always thought that was so adorable. Makes me want to call them grapefeets now. Heh heh.

Hi My Name is FBC... And I Am a Water Bottle Addict.

There's just something about a new water bottle that gets me so frick'n excited. Maybe it's because I feel like a super healthy person just carrying it around. In my head, when people see me, they're like, "Man, that chick's got it goin' on. She's so hydrated and Earth conscious. No throw away cups for this gal. If only I were cool enough to be that girl's friend."

Holy crap, wait till I drop a few sizes and get a YOGA MAT! Woo hoooo! My shit will not stink then. I've already got the huge LA sunglasses. THE SUPER COOL TRIFECTA!!! I'll be a star! A star, I tell ya!

But I digress...

This journal entry is all about my most beloved water bottle evar: the Cool Gear Infusion. 54 luscious ounces of crisp, clean wah-wah. This bad boy is badass. It's got a big handle and a spout that doesn't spit at you when you're opening it or sucking on the straw. It also comes with a removable freezer thingy that keeps your water cold without adding ice. I don't use it 'cause it takes away precious water space. Right now it's on sale at Target for less than $7! Say what?!

What does this all mean? Why would I want such a frick'n huge water bottle? Well, I'll tell yah. Fitty fo' ounces, my friends. We're supposed to have at least 64 ounces each day, I just have to have this one jug and I'm almost done! Two and I. Am. Set.

As a lazy person of not-wanting-to-movedness, this prevents me from having to make the 3 foot trek from the couch to the water dispenser. I find that I drink a lot more water 'cause it's just sitting there, staring at me. While it's kind a pain to travel with (it doesn't fit in cup holders and doesn't like staying still on the floorboard), it's nice to have on the road. You're always comforted in the knowledge that you could keep your loved ones, as well as a small family of badgers, hydrated if you got stuck on the side of the road.

Ah, but I will be sad in a little over a week when I have to give up my trusty friend, for a non-straw (*coughinferiorcough*) regular glass. For the straws are a no-no with the gastrectomy patients. My wee banana pouchling will not be able to handle the additional air that comes with my suckling of the straw. Oh cruel fate...

FBC's Bariatric Pre-Op Liquid Diet for Weenies

I've been cleared for the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and am on day 3 of the pre-op liquid diet. It ain't so bad really. The reason I'm able to say that is because I've adjusted the diet to fit my needs (that's how I roll, behbeh). I knew I wasn't going to be very successful if I stuck to the 3 protein shakes, I small meal under 300 calories, and 1 tiny snack under 200 calories. I feared for the life of my sweet chihuahua and her tasty, wee appetizer-like legs.

The way I saw it was if I stuck to the whole foods under 500 calories and the rest in shakes, I'd be okay. Thankfully my doc was peachy with the way I wanted to mix it up (pft ft ft, get it? "Mix" it up... [I'm on a drastically reduced meal plan, we ain't gonna strike gold here folks]). So, might I present to you...

Fat Brown Chick's Sleeve Pre-Op Liquid Diet for Weenies

Breakfast:	Calories	Protein
1/2 Cup Egg Whites	63	13
1 Medium Bell Pepper (1/3 each of Red, Orange, Yellow)	24	1
1/4 Cup Medium Onion	12	0
1 Cup Spinach	7	1
1/2 Protein Shake (OhYeah!)	110	17.5
Breakfast Subtotal	216	32.5
Snack:
1/2 Protein Shake (OhYeah!)	110	17.5
Lunch:
2 Cups Romaine Lettuce	16	1
1.5 Oz Chicken Breast	70	13
.5 Oz Fat Free Crumbled Feta (from Trader Joe's)	17.5	2.5
1/2 Medium Tomato	11	.5
1/2 6" Cucumber w/o Skin	9	0
1/2 5.5"/2 Oz Carrot (Shredded)	10	0
1 Tablespoon Kraft Zesty Italian Dressing (Fat Free)	7.5	0
Lunch Subtotal	141	17
Snack:
1 Protein Shake (Jay Robb's Egg White Protein)	120	24
Dinner:
See Lunch	141	17
1/2 Protein Shake (OhYeah!)	110	17.5
Dinner Subtotal	251	34.5
Dessert/ Late Night Snack:
1 Cup Pre-Packaged Red Grapefruit (Costco)	110	1
1/2 Protein Shake (OhYeah!)	110	17.5
Total	1058	144

Since I'm lactose intolerant, I have to stick with lactose-free protein shakes. OhYeah! ready-to-drink shakes pack in 35 grams of protein and are pretty decent tasting. They come in chocolate, vanilla creme, strawberries & creme, cookies & creme, and bananas & creme. What I like about these is that I feel like I'm being decadent when I drink them. They remind me of having the naughty full-fat chocolate milk you got when your were a kid.

The other lactose-free protein powder I have is Jay Robb Egg White Protein. It comes in chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, and unflavored and they're all 24 grams of protein. I haven't tried the unflavored one, but the first three are pretty good. They're kinda expensive, but I'm scared of having some weird milk allergy, so I started off with these. If you're on your way to a bariatric surgery, you can get the sample kit through the Jay Robb website. But really, just head down to the Vitamin Shoppe and they have the packets there too.

A fit friend of mine turned me on to TrueNutrition.com. It's a cool site because you can choose your flavors and sweeteners in addition to your protein. They've got whey, egg, rice, beef, pea, and hemp protein (I'm sure there are others). I bought some of the beef protein to add to my chicken and beef broth. I was hoping to make a kick-ass horchata protein shake with the vanilla rice w/splenda one that I got. No dice. Not. Good.

On a not-really related note, is it weird that I feel like these nutrition websites are judging me for not being healthy enough? Like they're being run by super fit, snobby muscle-heads who just know that my IP address is that of a fat person. Don't even get me started about walking into the Vitamin Shoppe...

What're you doing here? Like, ohmygah... *hair flip*